What happens when someone says, “You’re going to fail”? Is it honest advice or does it discourage a person before even beginning?
We often share guidance with good intentions, but the words we choose may shape how that message is received — and remembered. Take Stan Lee, the creator of Spider-Man. His own publisher doubted that a teenage superhero, or a character inspired by a spider, would appeal to audiences. Still, Lee believed in his idea. He often reminded audiences, “Don’t believe them when they say it’s stupid… but also not every idea will be genius.” His story is an example of both persistence and perspective.
The Moment That Made Me Pause
I was invited to speak on an alumni and recruiting panel at a local university. Many of the points shared were practical and expected — build your network, stay informed, and maintain a strong, professional online presence — but one piece of advice stood out to me.
One panelist said, “You are going to fail,” and several others agreed. Despite their good intentions to prepare soon-to-be graduates for rejections in job interviews and career advancements, I found myself reacting strongly to the word failure.
It made me wonder: Do we tell people they will fail before they’ve even had the chance to try?
I believe wording matters. What if, instead of framing experiences as “failure,” we used words like challenge, pivot, or redirection? The language we choose may empower someone or unintentionally hold them back.
Why Language Matters
This is where storytelling may be a powerful tool.
In my role as a Marketing Manager for a Silicon Valley trial firm, I often encourage attorneys to use storytelling to communicate their reasoning and the “why” behind tasks both for clients and younger attorneys. Stories help provide context and make ideas relatable, while reducing pressure and building understanding.
The same principle applies to mentorship and advice. Imagine a senior partner telling an associate before a trial, “You’re going to fail, but it’s okay.” Now imagine the client who overhears that conversation. What if, instead, that same partner shared a story about a first trial—including what was learned, what might be done differently, and how one could grow from the experience? The latter approach builds confidence while still honest.
As Arianna Huffington, the founder of The Huffington Post, once shared, “Failure isn’t the opposite of success; it’s a stepping stone to success.”
Know Your Audience
The way we communicate should always reflect our audience.
Some people may feel motivated after they are told they’ll fail. This may be the final push that drives a person to achieve a goal, and prove others wrong. Alternatively, thoughts of failure can also be discouraging for others and lead to hesitation, self-doubt, or even withdrawal.
Effective communication is not just about the words themselves, but also about delivery, tone, and an awareness of an audience’s reaction. Body language, facial expressions, and presence all play a role in how messages are received. In digital environments, like video calls, it becomes even more challenging to gauge reactions and adjust in real time.
A single word can capture attention, just as “failure” did for me, but the meaning behind that word is shaped by both the speaker’s intent and the listener’s perspective.
Reframing
There’s an important distinction between acknowledging challenges and defining them as failure.
Life will include setbacks, rejections, and unexpected turns. A mistake in a job interview or a missed promotion may feel discouraging in the moment, but those experiences are not the end of your story. They are opportunities to learn, adjust, and move forward with greater clarity.
When we shift our mindset, we begin to see these moments not as failures, but as growth, and pursue a path that better aligns with our goals.
Final Word
The words we use carry weight. A single phrase can inspire confidence or create doubt. It can open a door or quietly close one.
Before telling someone, “You’re going to fail,” it’s worth asking yourself: What message are you trying to send?
Sometimes, what we call failure is simply redirection that will guide us toward something better.
